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Old 07-05-2016, 02:33 PM View Post #1 (Link) lOvE: a StReNgTh NoT a WeAkNeSs
#iamsecretlyjuliette (Offline)
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Join Date: Jun 2016
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Today was Rakhshabandhan. And Nikita was alone. This is totally surprising, because she wasent one of those who could be alone on any day of her life.. And this was rakshabandhan..

Where was her brother, Kunal...

Where was her sister-in-law, Anjali...

Where was her fiancé, Arjun...

WHERE WAS SHE?

She was in the Intensive Care Unit of Long Live Hospital in Mumbai, India... And all of the rest were in 12 Starling Street, Washington DC, USA...

How could this be possible? They all loved her more than their lives....

Then how come?

"Nikita, ready for the operation?" Nurse Jonney asked. "Operation?..o yes.. I should.. I mean I think I am.. Approved it anyways...  "Don't you think you should talk to your brother once again..I mean, the operation is really a big risk dear.." "No.. I can't let him break down to tears again..no..not today...I've troubled him all my life... Not again... I wasn't him to be tension free and happy... "

She was almost into tears... "He CAN'T be happy with you in such a condition.. You know it..."  "No.. He has to...."

And a tear rolled down her eye down to the pillow her head was resting upon.....😐
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Old 07-06-2016, 03:18 AM View Post #2 (Link)
chiaro0990 (Offline)
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Normally, I'd try to read the story before I make a comment, but this one isn't worth it, sorry to be blunt. The way you write the story makes it look like a drama or closer to fanfiction stories, I dunno. It's a mere conversation between two people with white faces on, I don't have a background of what's going on while they're talking with each other. Are they sitting on the chair at the porch while drinking tea? Are they in school walking on the hallway while doing their homework? etc. We, readers, ask a lot of question while you, as the author, needs to fill up the doubts in our heads. It's the author's job to give us a complete detail by showing what is happening to your story. Anyway, I hope my critique doesn't sound harsh to you.
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Don't lower your expectation to meet your performance. Raise your level of performance to meet your expectation. Expect the best of yourself, and then do what is necessary to make it a reality
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General expressions in non-concrete terms are laziness, they are talk, not art, not creation.
  
						Last edited by chiaro0990; 07-06-2016 at 04:26 AM.
					
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Old 07-06-2016, 03:43 PM View Post #3 (Link) This post is a reply - don't critique it
#iamsecretlyjuliette (Offline)
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Well, thank you for your critique first...
I'm quite a newbie here so I'm not talented enough to cross-critique your critique... Anyways...
As far as the setup is concerned, its an ICU discussion going on, and its mentioned in the story....
As as for the plot of the story, its the first chapter and the story is in flashback... I should have posted another chapter along with it but I didn't and I accept the part on my mistake and sorry you had to critique a story which is not worth doing... but again I said I'm a newbie here and IM HERE TO LEARN...
THANK YOU...
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