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Old 01-11-2013, 06:04 PM View Post #1 (Link) I want a critique.
Spacepirate (Offline)
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Okay, so this story I posted on here is lonely. The competition deadline, for which I will submitting the piece, is soon and I would really like some comments and opinions before I take it down.

The piece has around 40 views which might mean that 15 users clicked on the piece (cause I've probably clicked on it like 20 times--all accidental, I swear), which means that floating somewhere there are 15 opinions.

Now, I know what YWO's critique policy is but here's a free-pass to say what you want, in as few words as you want. Go crazy with all the one-line critiques because that's kinda what I want.

If you stopped reading after the first line because you were bored ... then I think that's some important shizzle right there that I should know about? Don't you think? Or if it's the next paragraph, or the 7th, 28th, or last. If it's not your 'kind' of story, why? What do you think this story is? Were you pretty apathetic towards it? Did you think it was only average, good? What could have made it great? Too boring? Too much poetry-fluff? Too much dialogue?

I think I'm far too invested with this story and can't see the crap from the shit, so it's up to you guys to provide that honesty, otherwise I'll be blindly throwing this left, right and centre at magazines. All these things above can and will help me. No one clicks on a story, reads some/all of it and then leaves without forming an opinion. And it's those opinions which I want.
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Old 01-11-2013, 10:10 PM View Post #2 (Link)
Stormbringer (Offline)
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Well, I thought the female character was good, given her being taken away from her parents by Rob, somehow. But she doesn't have a name. I cannot call her anything, it's as though she lacks definition.

I'm not really sure what Rob has done - did he force her to elope or something along those lines? It is an interesting concept. Maybe you should expand on their relationship a bit. Finally, I have no idea what is the point of the turtles. Maybe I'm just dump like that.

I think adding more clarity would make this quite good, but it my mere opinion.
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Old 01-11-2013, 11:49 PM View Post #3 (Link)
Isis (Offline)
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I'll probably critique it this weekend; I read the whole thing last night but was too shot to say anything productive about it.
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