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Old 08-25-2017, 04:27 AM View Post #1 (Link) This is just something I came up with please critique idk if im good or not
Rebekah Mikealson (Offline)
Literary Newbie
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
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The bell rings for the end of the day, I rush to my locker and rip my bag out and click the lock shut as fast as I can, saying goodbye to only one person, Chase, my only friend. I pace towards the school gates making it out. I hold back my tears as I'm walking along the footpath past the bus stop, the feeling of pure envy rushes through my body seeing everyone talking and having a laugh and questioning myself over and over again ' Why can't I have friends like that'. It's halfway through my first year in high school and I only have one friend who, I would consider an acquaintance. I trudge through the mud drowning in self pity than all of a sudden I here someone say, '' Bye Hayley'', it was a familiar voice, it was Anisha the popular girl in school, she was average height, dark skin, black hair and incredibly gorgeous with a nose ring. My heart starts racing and I actually start to shake. "Um... bye", I pathetically reply, feeling flattered she would even think to talk to me or better yet even know I existed. When I finish saying it i see Anisha's best friend give her a hug and say bye and I immediately see she wasn't even talking to me, why is the name Hayley so god damn common, I feel my face go bright red as I here people start to chuckle. I basically run to my Mums car trying not slip and slide in the mud. Aggressively open the door and slam it shut. I feel a tear roll down my cheek as my mum put the car into gear and drive off, "How was your day sweetheart", I wipe the tear away and paste on a fake smile, "It was great", as happy as I possibly could.

Not complete but do you think I should continue writing ot nah?
  
						Last edited by Rebekah Mikealson; 08-25-2017 at 04:33 AM.
					
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Old 08-25-2017, 04:28 AM View Post #2 (Link) Just something I came up with, please critique
Rebekah Mikealson (Offline)
Literary Newbie
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 3
Points: 5
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The bell rings for the end of the day, I rush to my locker and rip my bag out and click the lock shut as fast as I can, saying goodbye to only one person, Chase, my only friend. I pace towards the school gates making it out. I hold back my tears as I'm walking along the footpath past the bus stop, the feeling of pure envy rushes through my body seeing everyone talking and having a laugh and questioning myself over and over again ' Why can't I have friends like that'. It's halfway through my first year in high school and I only have one friend who, I would consider an acquaintance. I trudge through the mud drowning in self pity than all of a sudden I here someone say, '' Bye Hayley'', it was a familiar voice, it was Anisha the popular girl in school, she was average height, dark skin, black hair and incredibly gorgeous with a nose ring. My heart starts racing and I actually start to shake. "Um... bye", I pathetically reply, feeling flattered she would even think to talk to me or better yet even know I existed. When I finish saying it i see Anisha's best friend give her a hug and say bye and I immediately see she wasn't even talking to me, why is the name Hayley so god damn common, I feel my face go bright red as I here people start to chuckle. I basically run to my Mums car trying not slip and slide in the mud. Aggressively open the door and slam it shut. I feel a tear roll down my cheek as my mum put the car into gear and drive off, "How was your day sweetheart", I wipe the tear away and paste on a fake smile, "It was great", as happy as I possibly could.

Not complete but do you think I should continue writing ot nah?
And reply with title ideas please
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Old 08-25-2017, 04:37 AM View Post #3 (Link)
Rebekah Mikealson (Offline)
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Join Date: Aug 2017
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Sorry i accidently posted it twice
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Old 08-25-2017, 03:05 PM View Post #4 (Link)
Runa Phaino (Offline)
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Of course you should continue! I think this is too short to really say something about it. Though, there are a lot of feelings going on.

Just do it! And then put it into the "right" category, I am also new, but I guess there is a special place here to discuss stories (or maybe even parts of a story).

Regards!

Runa
Phaino
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