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Old 09-10-2017, 05:36 PM View Post #1 (Link) With only me part 1
Ruby Dawn (Offline)
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This was a quick thing, but I plan to do more of it.
.................................................................................................... ................................................

The past canít change, yet it can change the future and present. Every second, the present becomes the past and the future. The future can be changed. Moulded, like clay, into anything that the past and present suggests. The artists that mould it? Us. There is a rule:
Change the past it changes the future.
And another:
You cannot change the past.
These two rules contradict each other, cancelling one another out. Unless,
Rules can be bent or broken. But not without consequence.
This is the story of a girl who broke that rule, and suffered the consequence.
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Old 09-13-2017, 03:19 AM View Post #2 (Link) Critique
HawaiianParadise (Offline)
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Wow--that is really good. I'm instantly intrigued, but also a little confused. Is this like a teaser for your book? Or is it actually part of your book?

Just one thing--add an "and" between "past" and "it" in the sentence Change the past it changes the future.

I can usually write a much longer and better critique, but I don't really find anything else you should fix or change here. Great job!
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A published writer is simply an amateur who didn't quit.

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Old 09-14-2017, 06:50 AM View Post #3 (Link) This post is a reply - don't critique it
Ruby Dawn (Offline)
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Originally Posted by HawaiianParadise View Post
Wow--that is really good. I'm instantly intrigued, but also a little confused. Is this like a teaser for your book? Or is it actually part of your book?

Just one thing--add an "and" between "past" and "it" in the sentence Change the past it changes the future.

I can usually write a much longer and better critique, but I don't really find anything else you should fix or change here. Great job!
Thank you. It was meant to be kind of confusing and in the original thing it had a joke about it being confusing but I got rid of it since it removed the suspense. It was a teaser for my book, to answer your question, to see if anyone would want to read it.
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