Forum
Community Forum
Today's Posts
FAQ & Rules
Members List

Writing
Writing Forum
Recent Posts
Critique Guidelines

Groups
YWO Social Groups
Facebook
Myspace

Chat
 
YWA

Register

Store
Support YWO
YWO Merchandise
The Book Despository
Amazon.com (US)
Amazon.co.uk (UK)
Amazon.ca (Canada)

SBS Mag


Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 08-15-2015, 04:42 AM View Post #1 (Link) Dating relationships
horselover913 (Offline)
Idea Scribe
 
horselover913's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 56
Points: 8.32
Times Thanked: 3
Some 5th graders "Date" but they aren't going on dates, holding hands, etc. I have talked about this with my friends all the time. I just wonder, do ANY of these relationships even matter?
__________________
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times . . ."

Charles Dickens 'A Tale of Two Cities'
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-15-2015, 09:58 PM View Post #2 (Link)
Isis (Offline)
Global Moderator
 
Isis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Boulder, CO
Posts: 1,734
Points: 30
Times Thanked: 354
That's a good question. I don't mean that in the snarky way ... I mean it in the scientist way (imagine a lady in dirty lab coat tilting her head and saying "that's a good question". Ok. Now we're on the same page). And it's a question you'll ask a lot, not just in 5th grade. Does a particular relationship matter? You'll ask it in middle school, high school, college, and as an adult, both about your own relationships and about other people's relationships.

And the only people who know the answer are the people in the relationship.

Relationships can matter in lots of different ways. And they can not matter in lots of different ways. Sometimes, a relationship, like the kinds of dating people do when they're first starting out (whether that's in elementary school or in college), is about meeting people. Sometimes it's about fun. Or having a really close friend. When people get older and/or more experienced, sometimes it's about old school romance, sex, or a long-term partnership.

When it comes to dating, people also date in a lot of different ways. Sometimes, "dating" represents having a special, romantic friendship. Sometimes, it represents getting coffee with a few people to find someone for a deeper relationship. Sometimes it's going to prom together. Sometimes, it represents living with someone for years.

But how these different kinds of dating matter and mean to people ... that can be really different too! Dating matters differently to different people, at various times in their lives. Some examples:

When I was a kid, I "dated" a boy in my grade for a few years. I think we kissed once or twice when I was 12 or 13. But mostly it was a special friendship that I cared about and felt romantic about, even though we rarely saw each other outside of school. I didn't marry the guy or even ever get very intimate with him. But it was something I cared about when I was a kid. Now it's not part of my life.

When I was in high school, I started "seeing" a guy ... but I didn't think of myself as "dating" him. We went out for coffee. We talked a lot. We got VERY intimate. But it was a private rather than a public relationship, so I didn't think of it as dating until over a year later when he introduced me to his parents and we started to going to family and public events as boyfriend/girlfriend.

Ok, from those two examples you can see that "dating" can mean totally different things at different times. And it can mean different things for different people -- you might have read one of my examples and thought, dude, that is or is not dating.

For the case of other 5th or 6th graders whose relationships you're curious about, maybe consider how relationships can take totally different forms. Friendship does. Some friends are camp friends, school friends, work friends, best friends ... dating often can feel different from friendship, but it can be similarly diverse.

If you want to know about those relationships, maybe you have a close friend you could ask? I wouldn't ask like this, all sarcastic and stuff: "Brenda, what the heck are you doing dating Zane? Does your relationship even MATTER?" That would be rude, and Brenda will, justifiably, not want to talk about it. But it's ok to talk about relationships and ask how people feel about them if you are a close friend, and if they feel comfortable talking about that stuff. You could ask, "hey, I was curious about what it's like to date someone ... Brenda, could you tell me a bit about it?" If your friends feel comfortable talking romance with you, they might give you some insight into their experience that will be interesting and useful. If they don't want to talk about it, back off the topic and respect their decision to not discuss it.

I'm going to end with some advice from an Old (well, old-ish: I'm 25).

If you're curious about dating and relationships, there are places to learn about those things. Based on your topic and username, I'm guessing you're a young woman in or about to start middle school, right? You can learn a lot by reading friendly, woman-positive, body-positive, and non-judgemental stuff about relationships, dating, romance and, when you're ready to learn about it, sexuality. I'd highly suggest "Our Bodies, Ourselves" (a great book) and Scarleteen, a sex-ed and relationships website meant to teach people in their teens and twenties. Some Scareteen articles that might start to help you over the next few years are about "the right age for sex and romance" and about "building healthy relationships". That second article looks really useful for any kind of relationship, whether it's a romantic relationship or a friendship. And since having strong friendships is awesome, I bet it could be useful to you whether you care about dating or not. You could also check out Rookie - it's an awesome online mag for young women and I wish it had been around when I was a teenager.

Hope this helps you think about your questions in a new way, even if it wasn't the debate you were looking for.
  
						Last edited by Isis; 08-15-2015 at 10:01 PM.
					
					Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2015, 02:54 PM View Post #3 (Link)
ScottyMcGee (Offline)
Freelance Writer
 
ScottyMcGee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,754
Points: 30
Times Thanked: 176
People seem to poke fun about kids "dating" in middle school and such. It's all a part of our natural social development as primates. Whether it works or not doesn't matter - what matters is how it has helped you grow.
__________________
Only thieves kiss with their eyes open.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-18-2015, 12:32 AM View Post #4 (Link)
Nneoma Udoyeh (Offline)
Abstract Thinker
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 32
Points: 15.82
Times Thanked: 1
Yeah sometimes they do but a 5th grader might not take the delicacy of something as serious as a relationship seriously so most times it doesnt mean anything but it depends on what they do in the relationship.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-19-2015, 10:56 AM View Post #5 (Link)
horselover913 (Offline)
Idea Scribe
 
horselover913's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 56
Points: 8.32
Times Thanked: 3
This girl I know is on an on, off relationship. She didn't even talk to him. When she decided she was gonna break up with him, she was going to make me do it! So do you think that relationship matters?
__________________
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times . . ."

Charles Dickens 'A Tale of Two Cities'
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2015, 06:35 AM View Post #6 (Link)
Dabs (Offline)
Freelance Writer
 
Dabs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Long Island, New York
Posts: 1,885
Points: 30
Times Thanked: 151
Originally Posted by horselover913 View Post
This girl I know is on an on, off relationship. She didn't even talk to him. When she decided she was gonna break up with him, she was going to make me do it! So do you think that relationship matters?
Well, generally that's considered an unhealthy relationship. Doesn't mean it's a meaningless relationship. Also, you're young. you don't have everything figured out yet and neither does your friend. Sometimes that means making mistakes and doing things wrong.

Is any relationship really without meaning? I think they're all purposeful in one way or another. Even the bad ones.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2015, 07:13 PM View Post #7 (Link)
owl (Offline)
Scholarly Apprentice
 
owl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Charlottesville, VA
Posts: 234
Points: 20
Times Thanked: 41
I am going to second Dabs. There is this idea, implanted in us by certain elements of our culture, that the only meaningful relationships are ones that lead to a long-term partnership of some kind. But that's not true. As a kid, you learn a lot about who you want to spend time with, how you want to act, and how to interact with other people, through friendships and, yes, dating. (This continues into adulthood!) I don't think relationships matter in the sense that someone will be behind the curve if they don't date as a kid -- dating as an adult is a different ball game, and as someone who did not date as a kid, I can confirm that my lack of "dating experience" has never interfered with my relationship with my boyfriend, who had girlfriends through middle school and high school. But the relationships we have as kids, whether they are romantic relationships or friendships, do have an impact on how you approach relationships in the future.

When I crush, I crush intensely. This was even more true of me ten years ago, when I was in fifth grade. The guy I liked liked me back, which we expressed by arguing constantly. But he was also a good buddy. The feelings I had for him mattered to me a lot. Same with my middle school crush. Those guys themselves don't matter to me now -- they are out of my life, and good riddance. But many years later I remember how important the feelings I had for them were to me. I think that's meaningful in itself. These relationships may not matter twenty years from now, when your friends have completely different looking love lives, in the sense that your friends will probably not be with the same people they date in fifth or sixth grade and your friends will probably not think about those relationships all the time or realize how those relationships probably shaped the way they approached romance in middle school, high school, and into the future...but they'll probably remember how important those feelings and attachments were at the time. That's meaningful in its own right.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-25-2015, 11:58 PM View Post #8 (Link)
TheMostSolidOfSnakes (Offline)
Novice Writer
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 11
Points: 17.76
Times Thanked: 0
Would you prefer they buy gifts for each other in exchange for sex? Dating at at young age provides us with social skills and emotional maturity for when we approach an age where you'd consider suited for "real" relationships. I remember being in 5th grade and thinking the whole dating thing was a little heavy considering there isn't much we can do (not the coolest thing in the world to have your mother drop you off on a play date, so I ended up buying a bike). I abstained from relationships for the most part, and only had one girl that ever held my interest. In retrospect, it might have been better for me to "cut my teeth," on some casual relationships so that when I found the the right girl years later, things could've gone off more smoothly.
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-2015, 01:45 AM View Post #9 (Link) This girl again
horselover913 (Offline)
Idea Scribe
 
horselover913's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 56
Points: 8.32
Times Thanked: 3
The same girl has dated 6 guys 3 times so far this semester. Now she's dating this guy who is my friend and I'm not very comfortable with it. What do I do?
__________________
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times . . ."

Charles Dickens 'A Tale of Two Cities'
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-2015, 01:49 AM View Post #10 (Link) The quality of guy friends
horselover913 (Offline)
Idea Scribe
 
horselover913's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 56
Points: 8.32
Times Thanked: 3
What is the importance of our friends who are guys. Not boyfriends but guys who are just friends. What do You think would happen to a girl if she didn't have any guy friends?
__________________
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times . . ."

Charles Dickens 'A Tale of Two Cities'
  Reply With Quote
Reply
Thread Tools

 


All times are GMT. The time now is 03:32 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7 - Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
All writing Copyright © its author(s). All other material Copyright © 2007-2012 Young Writers Online unless otherwise specified.
Managed by Andrew Kukwa (Andy) and Shaun Duke (Shaun) from The World in the Satin Bag. Design by HTWoRKS.