Forum
Community Forum
Today's Posts
FAQ & Rules
Members List

Writing
Writing Forum
Recent Posts
Critique Guidelines

Groups
YWO Social Groups
Facebook
Myspace

Chat
 
YWA

Register

Store
Support YWO
YWO Merchandise
The Book Despository
Amazon.com (US)
Amazon.co.uk (UK)
Amazon.ca (Canada)

SBS Mag


Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 10-16-2015, 02:00 AM View Post #11 (Link)
Isis (Offline)
Global Moderator
 
Isis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Boulder, CO
Posts: 1,734
Points: 30
Times Thanked: 354
Why are you not comfortable?

It sucks to think about why we're not comfortable, sometimes, but it is often informative for figuring out our real concerns, worries, and boundaries (with ourselves and with people).
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-2015, 02:49 AM View Post #12 (Link)
Dabs (Offline)
Freelance Writer
 
Dabs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Long Island, New York
Posts: 1,885
Points: 30
Times Thanked: 151
I imagine nothing would really happen. If you don't want to be in a romantic relationship with someone, why let their gender bother you?
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-2015, 03:32 AM View Post #13 (Link)
lalodragon (Offline)
Global Moderator
 
lalodragon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: To the laboratory!
Posts: 1,982
Points: 30
Times Thanked: 193
I mean, my guy friends are pretty rad, but as long as friends are had their gender's not all that important.
  
						Last edited by lalodragon; 10-16-2015 at 03:35 AM.
					
					Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-2015, 08:08 PM View Post #14 (Link) i
horselover913 (Offline)
Idea Scribe
 
horselover913's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 56
Points: 8.32
Times Thanked: 3
I have a boyfriend that I really like and I don't like the thought of possibly liking another boy. I can't stop thinking about my situation.HELP?
__________________
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times . . ."

Charles Dickens 'A Tale of Two Cities'
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-2015, 09:38 PM View Post #15 (Link)
owl (Offline)
Scholarly Apprentice
 
owl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Charlottesville, VA
Posts: 234
Points: 20
Times Thanked: 41
I have a boyfriend that I really like and I don't like the thought of possibly liking another boy. I can't stop thinking about my situation.HELP?
Take a deep breath. This is not an emergency, but is a pretty normal concern.

First, do you have anyone like a parent, aunt or uncle, or sibling, or older friend you can talk to? If they are safe to confide in, they can help you navigate some of the confusing feelings you may be having while you start your first relationships.

Second, do you actually have feelings for another boy, or are just worried that sometime in the future you may fall for someone else?

Sometimes feelings outside your relationship are just feelings, and sometimes they are a sign that the relationship is not working for you. It happens. Crush McDreamboat may seem to offer you something that you need but aren't getting out of your relationship, whether it is feeling listened to, or a sense of spontaneous fun, or feeling like your ambitions are supported, or anything else. In that case I would say, hey, maybe it's time to examine how you feel about your relationship, and are you really happy? But it sounds like that is the opposite of what's happening here.

It is possible to crush on someone and have it not be a sign your love is doomed. Mr. McDreamboat may be handsome (or funny or smart or whatever), but not necessarily compelling. Anecdata: I definitely notice handsome men (especially handsome men that are also funny and smart.) But I don't find myself LONGING to date them (though when my guy and I are in a rough patch, do I wonder if they could offer me something he can't? yes); usually I just want to go home to my partner and watch TV with him. The crush is unimportant, just something I notice.

However, if you are worried about the possibility of maybe one day developing feelings for another boy -- which it sounds like is your actual concern -- let me just say: it'll be ok. You are putting the worry cart before the horse. Being in a new relationship is scary. You don't know what is in the future, and you can't even guess. But I will echo Isis' last post. Why are you so worried about developing feelings for someone else? What about that possibility worries you more than the other twists and turns relationships can take? You don't have to answer these questions to me, but you should pose these questions to yourself. I think figuring out why this bothers you so much, and then assessing that is going to be more useful than picking at the maybe-someday-possibility of crushing on someone else.

If you really like your boyfriend, but you notice other boys, that is just fine. Take it from another wandering eye. My relationship is solid and stable, because I like him the best. If you really like your boyfriend and develop strong feelings for another boy, also fine. The human heart does that. If that happens, proceed as kindly, compassionately and ethically as you know how as you decide how you want to handle the situation. If you have really strong feelings for your boyfriend right now, but eventually grow apart as you both grow up, and you eventually develop feelings for someone else...that might be for the best? Relationships are a lot like friendships. Sometimes friends grow apart. Sometimes friends don't get each other. But it is way better to spend time with friends who know you and see you for who you are and get you and give you room to grow than it is to spend time with someone you don't really understand or like anymore, EVEN IF you also love them. Romance is the same.

But: it sounds like you don't have feelings for someone other than your boyfriend. Don't worry! You really like your boyfriend, so I say enjoy spending time with your boyfriend, and focus on having fun and learning about each other etc. As you get more comfortable with each other, you'll feel more secure in the relationship, and I bet $$$ this becomes less of a worry for you. But also, seriously, unless you are actively crushing on someone and don't know what to do, this is a non-issue! You'll be ok
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-23-2015, 07:39 PM View Post #16 (Link)
horselover913 (Offline)
Idea Scribe
 
horselover913's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 56
Points: 8.32
Times Thanked: 3
I think you're on to something. Right now I'm worried about my relationship with my boyfriend because he hasn't been talking to me. He responds when I talk to him but he doesn't voluntarily start a conversation with me. Plus he won't look me in the face. So I guess I see "Mr. Dreamboat" as a distraction? I don't know what to do about my boyfriend.
__________________
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times . . ."

Charles Dickens 'A Tale of Two Cities'
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-23-2015, 07:49 PM View Post #17 (Link)
Dabs (Offline)
Freelance Writer
 
Dabs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Long Island, New York
Posts: 1,885
Points: 30
Times Thanked: 151
Sounds like a good place to end things. If someone doesn't want to start conversations and won't even look at you, that's not a good sign.
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-25-2015, 03:35 PM View Post #18 (Link)
owl (Offline)
Scholarly Apprentice
 
owl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Charlottesville, VA
Posts: 234
Points: 20
Times Thanked: 41
He responds when I talk to him but he doesn't voluntarily start a conversation with me. Plus he won't look me in the face.
This seems rude and not nice. Especially if you guys have been dating a little bit and this is a change in how he's been behaving toward you, my advice would be to move on and enjoy your crush on McDreamboat. You may want to ask him why he is behaving this way -- you guys are tweens, and sometimes tweens are really shy about the people they like, especially when they start dating. But regardless of what he says, if he isn't treating you kindly or fairly and you aren't getting what you need out of the relationship -- which it sounds like! most people need reciprocity and affection from their dating partners -- then I agree with Dabs that this sounds like a good time to end things.
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-26-2015, 02:16 AM View Post #19 (Link)
Marie (Offline)
Novice Writer
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 10
Points: 7.6
Times Thanked: 2
I think she would be just fine either way. The gender of one's friends does not affect the quality... it's their personality that does.
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-26-2015, 07:34 PM View Post #20 (Link)
horselover913 (Offline)
Idea Scribe
 
horselover913's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 56
Points: 8.32
Times Thanked: 3
Okay so I figured out that he still likes me so that leaves me with he's shy around me but why would he be shy around me? I don't think I'm very scary.
__________________
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times . . ."

Charles Dickens 'A Tale of Two Cities'
  Reply With Quote
Reply
Thread Tools

 


All times are GMT. The time now is 10:44 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7 - Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
All writing Copyright © its author(s). All other material Copyright © 2007-2012 Young Writers Online unless otherwise specified.
Managed by Andrew Kukwa (Andy) and Shaun Duke (Shaun) from The World in the Satin Bag. Design by HTWoRKS.