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Old 07-06-2016, 06:29 AM View Post #1 (Link) Does this draw you in?
GeonamicWarrior (Offline)
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I've been recently working on an independently developed, a.k.a "indie," game, and I might be getting ahead of myself here by posting this, but I'd like to ask how you feel when you read the following, which is presented as the summary of the game, Absolution.

"A visual novel game that promises a future of chaos, balance, or peace based on your choices. Strategic turn-based battles flip the stereotype of visual novels not having much player-interactive action. Your journey along the road of suffering, answers, power, and revenge will be divided among several protagonists. The character-driven plot of this visual novel has dark themes and suggestive language. Player discretion is advised."

The last bit there is a safety measure for those who think this is a kid-friendly game. It's not like I have the ESBR on my side here. The game's plot has a much greater connection to my life, so I'm determined to get this game to the finish line unlike my previous works on novels before.
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						Last edited by GeonamicWarrior; 07-06-2016 at 06:33 AM.
					
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Old 07-14-2016, 10:48 PM View Post #2 (Link)
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Chaos, balance, or peace based on your choices... Have you played Undertale?
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Old 07-15-2016, 12:34 AM View Post #3 (Link)
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That's a super vague summary. I bolded the parts that tell me something about how the game works.

Originally Posted by GeonamicWarrior View Post
"A visual novel game that promises a future of chaos, balance, or peace based on your choices. Ok, cool. Strategic turn-based battles flip the stereotype of visual novels not having much player-interactive action. Ech, this sentence doesn't work well. It ends on the negative stereotype and therefore sounds super negative, when what you want is a positive outlook on your game. Besides which, you just wasted 1/4 of your summary on saying that most games in your genre are boring. Your journey along the road of suffering, answers, power, and revenge That's really vague. Like, all games promise this. Tell things like what will we get power over? Why do we want revenge? Or, you know, something more specific. will be divided among several protagonists. The character-driven plot of If you want to say "the plot is character-driven," put that in its own sentence, this sounds really clunky, like you're just shoving in buzzwords. this visual novel has dark themes and suggestive language. Player discretion is advised."
I buy games and books because their plot, setting or characters are interesting, and you haven't included any of that. Is this a Zuko-style search for honor? A mafia-esque revenge killing? Is it set in a zombie wasteland? or in Westeros or a cyberpunk universe? I don't know what to expect from the visuals-- hyperrealistic? Pixelated? Constructed from paper?

tl;dr: fewer vague words like "power and revenge," more juicy deets.
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Old 07-15-2016, 05:22 AM View Post #4 (Link)
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To Jokes_on_you142: No, but I've seen someone play it. My game will actually be highly contrasting if you thought I was copying it.

To lalodragon: Wow, I didn't expect a full-on critique-type of reply, but thanks for pointing those out. I'm not sure how I made it sound like all traditional visual novels are boring; in fact, I actually like those visual novels from time to time. I didn't want to include settings because I plan to have sample pictures of the game for those who want to peek really quick. I also didn't want to give any details to characters since there are quite a few main characters. I do agree that I should've made the plot more evident, though.
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Old 07-15-2016, 05:39 AM View Post #5 (Link)
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No, no accusations! In fact, I'm such a fan of the game I'd be overjoyed if you incorporated some of the themes found in the game. Yes, it does sound quite interesting, especially considering the multiple points of view. I've also always been interested in narrative/story driven games. I hope the development goes well! If you ever do get a chance though, play Undertale so we might all have literary discussions about it.
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